I was all right by myself. Happy. Content. But then you car along and don’t take this the wrong way because I do love you with all my heart, to absolute bits, but when we go from laughing so hard we cry to not speaking at all because of a fight over…. I honestly have no idea…. I get scared and frustrated and angry. I have something so wonderful then something so awful within minutes. How am I supposed to feel about that? Am I supposed to just let it go? You always feel like I’m threatening you. I’m not. I just wish it wasn’t so easy for you to write me off. You don’t want to ever talk about things or try to work them out. Like now, we haven’t talked since we fought and you just rolled over on the bed. What for? Why not say something? I tried to be gentle and nice but it was only met with harshness and attitude. I don’t need that. I also don’t think I deserve it. Like I realized I was overreacting and I took my tone down to something sweet. Why can’t you? Why don’t you ever seem like you care? You don’t ever want me to touch you. You don’t ever touch me unless you’re fucked up. Or at least that’s how I feel. I couldn’t be wrong. You keep telling me I’m wrong. But I don’t feel wrong.
I love you so much. I am genuinely so happy with you. I have so much fun with you. I can’t stand to be mad at you. And I can’t stand when you’re mad at me.
I’m going to go run the risk of getting my feelings hurt and go cuddle with you. I really hope you don’t push me away.
- Spongebob: "What if I break your trust someday?"
- Patrick: "Trusting you is my decision, proving me wrong is your choice."
I love you.
— Kay Redfield Jamison